In a modest sort of way.
The Prude refers, of course, to the current trend of scanning people and giving them love pats at airports.
And while prudes everywhere are advocates of safety in travel, most of us would rather walk to Europe on foot than submit to photos of us in the altogether, or permit a stranger to play patty-fingers with those off-limits areas between our chins and our knees.
So The Prude has come up with a solution.
One that involves NO X-ray vision through our garments. One in which there is no need for anyone to rummage our anatomy.
One that may (although The Prude is a little fuzzy on this) save airlines tens of millions of dollars a year. After the initial investment, of course.
Behold, The Lozenge.
The Lozenge is a fully encapsulated, poddish sort of movable unit that will revolutionize air travel.Here’s how it will work:
A line of Lozenges will await passengers at each gate in the terminal.
-Each passenger will enter a Lozenge, which will be transported through the tunnel (ala the Jetsons, or possibly the Tunnel of Love ride at the carnival)) onto the plane, and locked into place.
-Each passenger will spend the rest of the flight in his/her Lozenge, until the destination is reached and the Lozenges will transport their passengers back out into the terminal.
-Each Lozenge will be fully pressurized, or whatever it is that allows one to breathe at high altitudes.
-Each Lozenge will float, allowing one to survive (although possibly upside down) in watery environs.
And- this is the best of all-
-EACH LOZENGE WILL BE IMPERVIOUS TO INCENDIARY DEVICES!!!!!!Do you see the genius here?
Even if some cretin (The Prude is moved to strong language when speaking of those who willingly kill others) DOES get a bomb on the plane, the only person said cretin will blow up is himself!!!!!
The Prude, while addressing issues such as comfort (note the pillow) tray tables, and ample storage for carry-ons, realizes there are some kinks to work out:
1) It will be difficult to get food/beverages in. This is assuming that somewhere in the world an airline still feeds its passengers.
2) It will be difficult for passengers to attend the call of nature. Which may be partially alleviated by the ‘no food or beverage’ problem outlined in #1.But every revolutionary invention has some kinks. Remember MS-Dos?
For now The Prude is feeling quite smug and practical.
Today, airline security.
Tomorrow, social security.