Friday, November 12, 2010

I Stubbed my Toe- now what?

The Prude, in the course of blogging, learned she has a gift- you may call it a curse. She can take a single day topic, say, of giving you a list of appropriate explosive vocal resonations (exvotions), and then stretch it out to 3 days, with a foot dangling in Day 4.
And only 1 approved Exvotion to show for it.
And even that one has been called into question.

So today, without further ado and with profound brevity, we will complete our
list of Prude-approved exvotions:

1) Oh Dear
The Aunt Bee of Exvotions. Appropriate any time or place and in any company with the exception of a group of rabid deer hunters on opening morning.

2) Honestly
Good for Prudes, who are continually on the watch for honesty or lack thereof in a naughty world.
Exercise caution using this exvotion around existentialists, who will immediately, even as you are nursing a stubbed toe or wiping birdy poo off your head, want to engage you in the age-old dilemma of "What is Truth?"

3) Oh My Goodness
Although decent, this one has its drawbacks. Using it around aunts who remember when you threw sand in their newborn's stroller, for example, may call into question your goodness. Better to use this when you are alone and can nurture the fond illusion that you do, in fact, have goodness to spare.

4) A Small Range of 'SH' Words
The 'SH' sound is a very satisfactory lung-larynx-articulators explosion of sound that can express high emotion in high-emotion inducing situations.  However, it has been misused in a rather earthy, farmyard word that has been around for ages.
Consider, next time you need to express high emotion and only a good, dramatic 'SH' word will suffice:
Your emotions are released, you have at the same time coated a negative situation with something sweet, and in no way can this word be mistaken for the other, more earthy term.

That is about it.
Please note that The Prude discourages the use of any word beginning with the 'ph' sound.
Keep your options limited and Prudes will never need to frown in your articulators' direction.

Having said that, there are 2 exvotions from the Prude's history she would like to share.
Just because.
a) The Prude's husband, in their dating days, came to visit and found himself in some exvotion-inducing situation or other. He took a deep breath and said 'Son of a-' at which point the Prude's mother entered the room and he finished '-Mohigan!' Although not really Prude approved, his effort was not unappreciated.

b) The Prude's mother, when startled, was apt to announce, 'You Scairt My Liver!"
And THAT is The Prude's All-Time-Favorite Exvotion.

Have a good weekend, and I hope your exvotion-producing incidents are few!


Tammy said...

How about "Argh"? It can be murmured or grunted and releases tension while generating visions of comic books. Prude approved?

The Prude said...

Yes! Absolutely!
I told my niece I should have asked people for their own words.
Thank you- and Charlie Brown :)

stephseef said...

I have been quoting your dad since you posted. i'm not sure i've laughed this hard in a long, long time.

Wallydraigle said...

I have been known to yell, "SCHADENFREUDE!" on occasion. It's very satisfying.