Monday, November 1, 2010

Be Kind to Politicians, They are Just Prudes at Heart

Yes, you read the title correctly.
Politicians are Prudes.

Read on for Proof:

Politicians dress prudishly.
Have you seen a male politician running  for office with the top inseam of his pants grazing his knees? As you gazed in horror and wished you didn’t know the answer to ‘boxers or briefs’? The answer thankfully is No. Most of them wear their pants neatly belted under their ribcage. (In light of some of the scandals about amorous politicians, they may want to consider adding to their wardrobes a nifty little device called the Chastity Belt.)
And the female politicians, whether clad in pantsuits or skirts, tend to be well-covered in their chestal regions. Which, in light of all the hot air they dwell amidst, is deserving of our praise.

Politicians point out the flaws of others.
Just watch any political debate or commercial. Keep a tally sheet. Mark down each time each debater finds a flaw in the person, work or words of their opponent.  You will run out of paper. These people put ordinary prudes such as myself to shame.

Politicians Know What is Best for You.
They will tell you so. Over and over and over again. Again, Ordinary Prudes such as myself can only look on in envy. To be so wise! So discerning! So incredibly Right! Or Left!  It gives Your Prude pause to reflect on the possibility of a political career herself. Because she really wants to be more Right.

And finally, the most beloved of all Prudish Traits:

Politicians Love to Lecture
Oh! The verbosity, length and sweeping breadth of these lectures! The way their words flow off the tongue into the troposphere and right over the heads of the listeners! But do Our Politicians stop when they see the glazed look of those around them? When they see heads bobbing downward and eyelids fluttering to a close?  No, and again I say NO! They lecture ever onward and upward. Politicians have perfected The Lecture. They call it a speech but we know it for what it is. An  art form at the highest level.

So today, as you weary of the midterm election process, please look at Your Politicians in a whole new light.
Because they want to be Your Prude.

1 comment:

Tammy said...

Ahhh... but I'll take one Honest Prude over all the Dishonest Pandering Prudes anyday.