Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Prude and her Dog

Prudes are not always consistent people.  We espouse the beauties of organization
even as we have to close a bank account simply to figure out our checkbook.
We extol euphemisms and then write a post on Mucous. Instead of ‘Nasal Cavity Leakage’.
And sometimes we own pets that are not in the least prudish.

The Prude owns this dog.
Who has no compunctions about performing necessary bodily functions in front of an entire troupe of Girls Scouts.  Or nuns.
Who rolls with joyful abandon in piles of bodily functions remains left behind by other dogs. And then leaps, with full assurance of approval, into the Prude’s lap.
Who volunteers her tongue as a sort of One-for-All family tissue to clean out the noses of any and everyone who suffers from the sniffles.

These are the Prude’s dog’s toys.

When the Prude’s children were young she would bleach their toys every week. She would tear the house apart looking for a missing piece from any toy set. She would then organize bleach-stained but completely originally equipped toys on shelves. According to size.

The Prude’s dog has personally shredded and salivated over every one of these toys.
Most at one time had a squeaker in them. Dog can dismantle any toy with a squeaker in less than 4 minutes and then spit out the hated squeaker along with 30 yards of the stuffing that surrounded Squeaker and the little bits of rubber and plastic that gave their lives futilely defending hapless Squeaker.

And then the dog refuses to part with any of these distinctly off-putting, unsanitary, and dismantled toys.

Here is the toy, whose loathsome presence The Prude was unable to bear any longer, threw in the trash.

The dog stood vigil at the trash can most of the day, alternately begging and nagging The Prude to get it back out. So far The Prude has stood firm.

The Prude’s dog has one trait exhibited in Prudes everywhere.
She won’t quit nagging till something changes.

But the Prude will remain steadfast and not return the offensive, fuzz covered half bone. At least until she can bleach it.

19 comments:

The Prude said...

"Here is the toy, whose loathsome presence The Prude was unable to bear any longer, which was thrown in the trash.'

Sigh. I need a copy editor.

Sue said...

Bonny deserves any toy she desires! I am shocked that your prudish sensibilities would over-ride your devotion to Bonny! Shame!

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