Monday, November 15, 2010

The Naughty Nose

Prudes are proponents of ‘A Place for Everything and Everything in its Place’
along with the subset ‘A Task for Everyone and Everyone to its Task’

The various orifices on our faces are perfect examples of each of these precepts.
In most faces the ears, eyes, noses and mouths tend to remain in their prescribed areas.
And each of them has a task.

Ears were designed to listen to lectures.
Eyes were designed to seek those in need of a lecture.
Mouths have the job of either
a) delivering a lecture
b) thanking a lecturer for the lecture
And noses were designed to breathe.

The Prude was beginning to formulate these postulates at an early age.
She bitterly resented when any of these orifices wouldn’t perform in the prescribed manner.
Especially her nose.
When Little Prude had a stuffy nose, she spent most of the duration of her cold in a state of semi-asphyxiation since she refused to let her nose off the hook from its duty of breathing.
Her mouth was too busy lecturing her lousy nose to clear up and get to work breathing.
And Little Prude didn’t want to use it to breathe anyway since that was Nose’s job.

The Prude currently has a cold. Her nose spends most of the day, instead of doing its customary inhale/exhale job, stockpiling large quantities of mucous.
Then at night, Nose takes a nap, at which time Mucous slides right out of Prude’s nose.

So Prude needs to spend the night with tissues firmly at the entrance/exit of her nostrils
to keep Mucous from partying all over the pillowcase.

The Prude’s mouth is exhausted from the extra duty of breathing.

If you see The Prude today, please behave. She doesn’t have the breath to deliver a good lecture.


katstrange said...

I'm surprised that prudes are allowed to speak of such things as mucous.

The Prude said...

Notice I used the more technical term than the one my sons traditionally use.
But if you think of a more prudish term, please let me know!

Lori said...

Boo to colds! I sympathize.

Sue said...

How could I enjoy reading about a cold this much? But I did! I am sorry but it make me delighted you had a cold.