Monday, November 29, 2010

Faulty Thanksgiving Shut-Off Syndrome

The Prude Family members have a problem.  Although they strongly disapprove of gluttony, rash promises and self-deception, these three vices embark on a collision course that results in great misery and foolish promises beginning Thanksgiving Day and cycling through to the following morning.
We call this Faulty Thanksgiving Shut-Off Syndrome and it is Not Our Fault.
It is physiological.
Note- The illustration is solely for enhancement purposes and is not meant to represent any person in the Prude’s immediate or extended family.

 Note #2: The Brain is saying 'I'll Never Eat Again. Ever' in the illustration. This was The Prude's attempt at verisimilitude and making the brain look all squiggly like a real brain.

Here is what happens:
The eyes, nose and taste buds join in a conspiracy on Thanksgiving Day and lull the victims and their tummy shut-off valves into a false belief that they can continue fitting vast quantities of food down the food pipe and into said tummy.
But then the victim consumes a final piece of Toll House pie. The pie wedges the shut-off valve in the ‘jammed open’ position just as the eyes, nose and taste buds disband from exhaustion and fall asleep.
The shut-off valve at this point goes into crisis mode.
It alerts the Stand-by Over Ride Chain which is directly connected to the
‘I’ll Never Eat Again. Ever.’ section of the brain.
The victim repeats this mantra over and over again.
And then  joins the nose, eyes and taste buds in uneasy and painful slumber.

However, while the victim and the victim’s senses doze, the tummy is busy compacting all the turkey, stuffing, sauces, casseroles, vegetables and, finally, the offending Toll House pie.  Then, still while the victim sleeps and dreams of a foodless future- or at most one populated with celery sticks dipped in hummus, the various foodstuffs are redirected away from the tummy to go their merry way.

The layers drop and the Shut Off Valve slams down into place, which disconnects the Stand-by Over Ride Chain which returns to ‘sleep’ mode.
The brain switches from ‘I’ll Never Eat Again. Ever’ function to the ‘What’s For Breakfast’ position just as the eyes, nose and taste buds, alert and refreshed, stretch, yawn, and kick into high gear.

And The Family Prude arises and has leftover Toll House Pie for breakfast.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love it! Sooo true! -Joanie

Anonymous said...

Very good stuff.

Robin J. Steinweg said...

Dear Prude, you have hit it on the head again! You are to be congratulated for your scientific treatise and illustration.

Coincidentally, just before reading this post, I happened on a three-day Thanksgiving detox. Thinking it might help, I read it. It is a fake. It is a total fasting diet in disguise. Want to hear it?
Breakfast-a smoothie that can't be smooth with all the seeds from berries and lumps of stuff.
Lunch-unlimited spinach leaves (oh boy) with stuff nobody wants on it, and top it off with vinegar and grapefruit. I have a stomach-ache just imagining it.
Dinner (they can't even call it supper)-as much poached fish as I want (blech), a cup of green tea, and sauteed tofu, pressed 30 minutes, with more vinegar.

Does this not sound like a cure for ever eating again?

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