Monday, November 8, 2010

Love from the Jawbone Up

The Sunday Paper has plenty of which to disapprove. War, politics, and disasters. They put The Prude in a hurumph-y frame of mind. So much naughtiness, so few Prudes to lecture on it all.

But then, like a fragile flower in the midst of a mass of cow poo, like a lemon verbena scented candle in a high school boys' locker room, or like a full length moo-moo on a Spring Break Beach in Fort Lauderdale, a headline on page 3 stands out from the sordid ‘Woman has Family Under Fake Name’ or ‘Lil Wayne at NBA Game After Release’ stories that muddy the newsprint.

The pleasant, hope-producing headline reads, ‘For long term, men look at face over figure’ (Pamela Paul, New York Times)
Men looking for a long term relationship, (which, incidentally, are Prude-approved if long term=marriage forever and ever) don’t focus so much on a nicely turned ankle, a swan-like neck, or everything in between (which should be modestly covered anyway)
so much as they look at the face, a ‘signifier of emotion and character’

And The Prude wants to say ‘SEE!!!!!!!!!’ Men are not just wolves! They want emotional intimacy! (while she intentionally ignores the rigmarole in the article expounding, with more confusion than even The Prude can muster, on the relationship between women’s eyes and their reproductive capacities)

This is the sort of news story that gives Prudes everywhere Hope.
Today men desire face over figure.
Tomorrow they may desire brains over beauty.

And somewhere in a blissful future? Who knows?
A man may pursue a woman based on the length and breadth and depth of her Prudishness.
They will enter into a long term (ie. marriage forever and ever) relationship. Her reproductive capacity will ensure a new generation of Prudes.

None of whom will be named Lil Wayne.


Anonymous said...

I love it! - Joanie

Mark F. said...

Well, after all it WAS in the newspaper - so - it MUST be true. Now if only you could find it on the internet, the conceptual veracity would be unimpeachable.

Actually, the eyes do have it... The deep beautiful blues of my own Sweet Sue still make me giddy and sigh-full.