Tuesday, February 1, 2011

When Dinosaurs Don't Work Any More

The world is a dangerous and sneaky place for us prudish types, isn’t it?
We settle our family in front of the TV to watch the Big Game for some wholesome family entertainment (although we hope sincerely our children can’t read the coaches’ lips)
Until the commercials.
Then we frantically grab for the remote to switch the station, clap hands over our children’s eyes, or try to distract them by exclaiming we just saw a dinosaur passing outside the window.
Because commercials for sporting events are anything BUT wholesome.

My fellow prudes, do you also shudder when you bring your children grocery shopping?
Especially the Pass of Temptation known as the check out lane?
To the right of your impressionable youngsters: a sugary wall of Cavity-in-a-Wrapper.
To the left of you, and much more menacing:
the Magazine Rack.
(The Prude here asks- wasn’t The Rack an instrument of torture in the Inquisition?
She would research this herself  if she wasn't so behind this morning. But if she’s right she is liking the analogy)

The Magazine Rack, where your child can, in the space of time it takes you to unload your grocery cart and weep over your checkbook, acquire an entire education in:
the ways of the birds and the bees
how long it takes a teen idol to fall off the chastity wagon
and a great recipe for leftover ground beef

How can a mother compete? There are only so many times a savvy child will believe a brachiosaurus is poking its head through the double entry doors of Piggly Wiggly.

The Prude has passed custody of 2 of her boy’s eyes to their wives.
And her college freshman son is old enough to be left home while The Prude grocery shops.

But the naughty world is still a crafty place for a Prude whose sensibilities would be appreciated by Queen Victoria and John Calvin. The naughtiness enters her home via her trusted and beloved companion and pounces when she least expects naughtiness to appear.
On the ‘Image Search’ arena in her computer.
While performing innocent searches for innocent images (to use in express violation of copyright laws for this blog), she would inadvertently stumble on images that made her, Queen Victoria and John Calvin blush.
The Prude had had it. She was ready to fight back.
But you’ll have to wait till tomorrow to find out how she fought, and why she is using the ominous Past Tense.


Tammy said...

TV commercials have just gotten out of hand. There are whole networks I have blocked just because of the content they'll advertise in the middle of a seemingly innocuous movie. As for sports... oy.

Anonymous said...

I am at the edge of seat waiting to hear the solution to our problem!