Monday, February 28, 2011

Help the Log Jam at the Prude's Distal Interphalangeal Joints! (please?)

The Prude’s post this morning is tingling on the tips of her fingers.
She as an idea of what to write. Oh glory!
Full blown sentences sprang into her head this weekend. (others may poetically allude to sentences being birthed in her head but The Prude just can’t go there.)
The sentences, propelled by the idea and fueled by her love of the topic, traveled
from her brain down her arms, into her 10 digits,  and await the magical moment when they transition from fingers to keyboard to lines on ‘Document 17’ which waits patiently to receive them.
(Document 17 has its work cut out for it.  It must be vigilant to autocorrect mis-spellings and typos, gently reprove sentence fragments and haughtily demand that the wayward Prude ‘consider revising’.)

So what is the hold up?  you may ask.
Why are those wonderful ideas log jammed somewhere around her distal interphalangeal joints?
Drawing not to scale

Because she can’t think of an introductory sentence.

She has been trying and trying to come up with something that will grab your attention so you will want to keep reading on a topic that, though unloved by many, is close to The Prude’s heart.

She of course realizes the irony here.
You probably quit reading after the 4th convoluted sentence because this post seems headed to oblivion and beyond.

But Your Prude is helpless. After years of teaching the need for a ‘grabber sentence’ she can’t jump into a topic with only the bare (see how distressed I am? I used the word ‘bare’) facts.

No! Not helpless!  She will employ you, the kind and polite who have taken time to read to this point, possibly in hopes that there will actually be a point.

No. Not today. But you can let The Prude know which of the following opening sentences will release that clogged throng of ideas.
Which of these would make you want to come back tomorrow and read more on The Prude’s Guilty Pleasure?

Do you like:
1) The Prude struggled through the stormy Math and Science week, but  her pot at the end of the rainbow overflows with Grammar Days.
2) The time has come to bring cowering Grammar out of the closet and defend it against those who misuse and malign it. (think that is too risqué?)
3) It’s Grammar Week! Please hold your applause until the last t has been crossed and the final i dotted!

Reader. The envelope please.


Lori said...

I choose #2, dear Prude, but shall read no matter which you choose. It's always worth the time.

bethBA said...

I also vote for #2.

Tammy said...

LOL - Somewhere during my education I realized that I just needed to start my papers in the middle and come back to the opening later. Otherwise I would stare at blank paper for days on end. I teach my kids to do the same thing. That said, I think your opener should be, "Wait for it..." And we will. :)