Thursday, February 3, 2011

Keep Karl Marx Away From Your Toaster!


The Prude hates to be an alarmist. But it is the duty of every good paranoiac to ring the Paranoia Alarm until everyone who hears it is ready to take up arms or sit cowering in a corner.  

Unless you take the Ostrich Approach to life (and The  Prude has nothing against this approach. She practices it regularly) you know that there have been uprisings and protests around the world. Men and women stop work and throng the streets demanding basic essentials- food, clean water, employment, fair government.
College students stop partying and swarm the streets of various European cities demanding the fundamental rights of free education and cheap alcohol.

But my friends, my dear friends, be warned. In our own nation, our own cities, nay, our own HOMES, a revolution is taking place. Right under our noses. And we are powerless to stop it.

Acts of civil unrest, civil disobedience or even, dare we say a total breakdown of civility of any sort is happening.

In the Prude’s own home, Appliances have run amok.

It started as a low whine in The Prude’s coffee maker. The copy machine in the office heard the whining and began uttering grumbles of discontent every time Capitalist Prude would push its ‘Start’ button of indentured servitude.
The microwave, sensing revolution in the wind, and desirous of riling up the masses, choose (possibly in a symbolic gesture of solidarity with the coffee maker) to explode mid-cycle while warming Prude’s husband’s coffee.

The desktop computer has begun a work slowdown that as of late is more slowdown than work.
Yesterday the coffee maker engaged in a total and tragic work stoppage.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking “Sure, this may happen at The Prude’s house. She probably exploits her appliances. I treat mine like family.”
It doesn’t matter. The winds of revolution are blowing. No appliance is immune.
They blew to The Prude’s daughter-in-law’s oven (which, incidentally, she treated with great respect). It began spitting bits of gas at her every time she turned it on.

Hints of a coup reared an ugly head to the north, in Reader Steph’s toaster.
Friends, these may seem like minor appliance woes. But when minor appliances revolt can major appliances be far behind? How about our means of transportation? Hasn’t your automobile been grumbling as of late?
Now do you believe me?

Yes, Appliance Insurrection has hit. The Prude warned you but she has no solutions.
What happens to coffee makers who engage in work stoppage.
She is, however, going to put earmuffs on her favorite appliancish and beg it not to revolt. She loves a flushing toilet even more than the microwave.
Oh, and feel free to use the photo above as a warning to your own appliances.

1 comment:

A Circle of Quiet said...

Revolution in the appliance realm has been happening on the West Coast for decades. We refer to our home as the Appliance Bermuda Triangle. We have received many fully functioning hand-me-downs and they DIE soon after entering the Wheeler black hole. It's hard to be an appliance in our family.

Di