Thursday, February 24, 2011

Planned Parental Obsolescence


We continue Math and Science Week (you of course noticed the reference to brain function yesterday) with Technology Day.


Come into The Prude’s living room.
Witness the unfolding drama that occurs when those born in the Rotary Phone Generation trip over something created in the ‘Think You Have the Latest Gadget? Wait a Minute’ era.

The Prude and her husband are settled in front of the fireplace, ready to watch a DVD on their $19.99 DVD player.

The Prude inserts the disc. (disk?)
This is The Prude’s job. Her husband had almost learned to put a VHS tape in a VCR when an Evil Genius somewhere declared VHS’s unconstitutional.

The Prude pushes seven buttons on 3 remotes in a prescribed order. It has taken her over a year to master the order.

The TV indicates the DVD is loading. and loading. and loading.
Then it displays that dreaded phrase ‘No Disc’ (Disk?)

The Prude’s husband peers at the TV and says, “Honey. You didn’t put the thingy in.”
Prude: “Yes I did! It lies!”

Prude and her husband look at each other and, in panicked unison, shout the technology SOS to their youngest child: “Help! This SOandSo won’t work!”

Youngest son leaves his own den of technological wizardry and mounts the steps, mumbling about selfish brothers who marry and leave him to care for decrepit parents.
He grabs remote #1 and pushes buttons.
He grabs remote #2 and synchronizes it with remotes #1 and #3.
He readjusts cables and power strips.
He pronounces the $19.99 DVD player Dead in the Water.
He sees tears well up in his parent’s eyes.
He takes the HD DVD player from the den. He attempts to make it work.
His parents hold hands and make wishes on stars.
He announces that an HD player won’t work on the ancient non-HD TV.
More tears. He hands his father a tissue and gets his laptop.
He attaches this cable to the HD machine and that cable to the TV and hundreds of cords and connections litter the floor.
His parents stand helplessly by, trying to comprehend each step as he warns them,
“Someday I won’t be living at home, and then who’s going to help you do this stuff?”
Think it’s too late to give him a little brother?

3 comments:

Lori said...

Very funny, Prude!
Maybe you'll need to make friends with those (naughty) neighbor kids who have tried to sell you rocks from your own property and peculiar-looking half glasses of lemonade. Perhaps those purchases could be an investment in your technological future.

Tammy said...

LOL! My 8 year old son can work the contraptions better than I can.

Robin J. Steinweg said...

Oh Prude,

You made me cry.
Son! Where are the tissues?!