Friday, January 21, 2011

The Public Restless Room

The Prude's Dog in her Public Restroom
Ask almost any Prude what ten things she disapproves of most, and somewhere near the top of almost any list will be

There are so many problems with public restrooms, The Prude could probably write about it for a week.
But she is afraid this would look as though she
a) has a fixation on restrooms
b) has a vendetta against those who provide the public restrooms
and then she would be labeled as ‘abusive and spammy’ and she couldn’t publish it.

First of all, The Prude needs to go on record as a great respecter of businesses who
provide public restrooms.
Her 3 sons and her husband have hit almost every public restroom from Maine to Arizona. Without public restrooms The Prude would have had to cower in the van whilst her menfolk trotted around the countryside looking for trees, bushes, and ditches. (and in one actual, historical event, a shed in eastern Nebraska, which seems devoid of trees, bushes and ditches.)

The Prude saw things differently.
Follow a snippet of conversation The Prude and her husband would have during a 2 week road trip vacation.

Husband: “Honey, you went through the entire state of Pennsylvania without using the restroom. Maybe you should try one in Virginia.”
Prude: “No thanks. I think I can wait till we get home.”

On another road trip, The Prude brought along a spray bottle of bleach to sanitize every potty seat in the western United States. Her family came home germ-free and so did the carpet in the front seat of the van, where the bleach bottle leaked.

The Prude realizes that most thoughtful people have concerns with the sanity of restrooms. Many people may also struggle with the conflicting emotions they experience: the ‘I hate these loud hand dryers but I don’t want to use up all the trees on paper towels so the world looks like eastern Nebraska’ dilemma.
And many claustrophobic pregnant women have also experienced The Prude’s hatred of struggling into a stall whose doors only opened inward and necessitate practically standing on the potty to be able to shut the door past the tummy.
(The Prude realizes she is getting almost incoherent here. Horrific memories are flooding her brain right now).

But only a True Prude with a high degree of sensitivity has a whole other dimension added to their Reasons to Avoid Public Restrooms.

Lack of Soundproofing.


Wallydraigle said...

You know what's extraordinarily awkward? Sharing a (semi-) public restroom with your professor. Who likes to chat in the bathroom.

ScheltyFly said...

Oh. My. Word. Laughing out loud. Had to type that all the way out and really need to re-post this on Esther's wall... Are you sure you Caleb didn't have a twin sister when he was born?!?!? She just must be YOUR daughter!

Sue said...

I am one who doesn't give public restrooms much of a thought yet laughed my way through this. I have been in a few outhouses that have caused me horrific memories though. Would you go anywhere near an outhouse? Heehee? ;]

Robin J. Steinweg said...

Would it be terribly un-Prudish to compile stories about public restrooms and outhouses? I can think of some doozies.

As far as soundproofing, I wonder how many of us have waited until a neighboring toilet flushes...?