Tuesday, December 7, 2010

My Ellipsis Tape Was Just Here a Second Ago...


Prudes never leave home without their well-stocked Disapproval Toolbox.
They can pull out, for example, the Lecture Board, sometimes making several adjustments to the Lecture Board during delivery with tools such as the Voice Modification Ratchet, the Weighty Pause Stapler, the Direct Gaze Level and the Significant Eye Roller.

But today we will examine one of Your Prude’s favorite tools of all time.
Her roll of Ellipsis Tape.

WHY THE PRUDE LOVES HER ELLIPSIS TAPE… AND YOU SHOULD TOO.

An ellipsis is easy to pull off. Look:             
3 dots. On the computer it is even easier than by hand.
Just hold down the ‘1 dot’ key 3 times.
If you want to make multiple ellipsis, you can, but you have to refer to them as ‘ellipSES’ and you run the danger of over-kill taping.

Ellipsis Tape covers something The Prude is implying without really saying it.
 ‘OK, honey, if you think that shirt you bought in 1984 still fits you…”

Ellipsis Tape can extend a grievance indefinitely.
 “Even Wilma Flintstone and Aunt Bea have garbage disposals. Why don’t I have one, I wonder…”

Ellipsis Tape patches together the disparate thoughts that zing simultaneously through The Prude’s head as she tries to communicate them to her family.
 “Drive carefully, watch out for deer and drunk drivers, and…you’re wearing THAT to go out tonight?”

Ellipsis Tape is a temporary fix for The Prude’s horrible memory.
 “I could have sworn I had enough gas to get us there…”

Ellipsis Tape can make one look more intelligent than one really is.
We can look as though we are mulling over a significant notion when really we just totally lost track of what we were about to say.

The Prude loves her Ellipsis Tape because she never really wants to quit talking.
A period puts a direct and speedy end to a thought, idea, comment, or statement. But the ellipsis lets her put that thought, idea, comment or statement on limitless hold until she returns and wants to stick something else onto it.

If anyone wants some Ellipsis Tape, let me know… I’m willing to share…

8 comments:

Tammy said...

I never leave home without mine... although probably border on overkill. :)

ScheltyFly said...

Let's hear a hearty "Amen!" for the blessings of Ellipsis Tape! I knew there was an easy gift that I could get for everyone on my list. Now where do I order it...

Robin J. Steinweg said...

You're willing to SHARE? Dearest Prude, pick me! Pick me! 'Cause I often have trouble finishing my...

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