Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Between the Sheets

Nothing warms a Prude’s heart cockles and gets her blood a’coursing through her veins on a raw and wintry morning like a good rant.
Fortunately The Prude has a rant at hand.

She is perturbed with those, especially in the hotel trade, who ignore the maxim:
'Never send a flat sheet to do a Fitted Sheet’s job.'

To be thorough and appear scholarly, the Prude did extensive research (via her proxy at eHow) into the history of Fitted Sheets.
Below is the result of that research:
Fitted sheets also referred to a bottom sheets and serve as a barrier to protect you from a mattress. Since a mattress cannot be washed, a fitted sheet provides a clean and comfortable surface to sleep on. If you don't like the idea of waking up sleeping directly on the mattress, then you will want to use fitted sheets. (EMPHASIS MINE)

In 1959, an African American woman by the name of Bertha Berman patented a design for fitted sheets that had corners sewn in a way that would fit the sheet to the mattress. These sheets were still less than perfect as they still managed to pop off the bed. These sheets needed elastic garters and other gadgets to keep the sheet on the bed. Finally in 1990, Gisele Jubinville created a fitted sheet deep corner pockets that grab a mattress and stay put. She sold the patent in 1993 for $1 million.

Obviously hotels didn’t buy into Gisele’s patent.
Below you will see the tragical results when a flat sheet is placed on a slippery hotel mattress and a gangly teenaged boy is placed on top of the flat sheet.
And The Prude has 4 pertinent questions:
1) Is it any wonder that Bedbugs are making a resurgence?
2) What would Bertha and Gisele say?
4) Could Bertha and/or Gisele teach The Prude a better way to fold fitted sheets?
3) What are the chances of The Prude convincing her children to name her grandchildren
after her heroes- Bertha and Gisele?

Stay warm and healthy today. The Prude will be petitioning the government to make December 14 FITTED SHEET DAY. We can all celebrate by staying in between the sheets.


A Circle of Quiet said...

I have sons who sleep with results like that. We call them rotisserie hot dogs, always rolling over and over and over.

God bless their future wives.


Tammy said...

What are the chances that The Prude's heroes would be named Bertha and Gisele? ;)

Anonymous said...

I am so glad SOMEONE is addressing this stressful issue of the sheets! - Joanie

Sue said...

I think Gisele is nice. I have fitted sheet day on my calendar!