Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Prime Number


Optimal numbers. What a fun little phrase.
Since those two words hint at an entire universe filled with the potential that x  will have an optimal level of efficiency (if we can but light on the optimal number required for x), The Prude is fascinated.

Did you know there is a method to discover the optimal numbers of pigs per feeding space for pellets?
That the American Heart Association has established an optimal triglyceride level for you? (it is 1.3 mg/dL. You are welcome)

Plato, bless his little philosophizing heart, did some complex contortions of numbers and figured out the optimal number of citizens in a state (5040. The Prude’s little village will need to sub-divide soon)

The optimal number of fingers on inhabitants of Bedrock? (4).
When you set up your fantasy football league you will want to know the optimal number of players . (12).
The optimal number of words in a blog post is 300.  Oops.
The Prude’s optimal number of children is 3 because that is how many God gave her.

But her optimal number when it comes to keeping a nominally tidy house is (2).
Rather tidy. Disregard bow behind the Bumble.

She grew up in a family of 5. She was disorganized and, admittedly, sort of sloppy. Same when she lived on her own (1)
Then she married, (2) and the house was tidy enough to escape church lady censure.
But with the arrival of each additional child (3), (4), (5) she found herself looking back at the disorganized and sloppy days with longing and nostalgia.
Even after the 2 eldest married, she couldn’t seem to get a handle on keeping a tidy house for (3) people.
But then her youngest went away to college. And God, with His way of giving little blessings to line the loneliness of an empty nest, restored The Prude’s ability to keep a nominally neat home for (2)
For a brief semester she thought she had the disorganized/sloppy thing licked. Then youngest child came home for winter break (3) and once again the messy monster reared its ugly head.
Through a series of complex mental contortions The Prude comes to the conclusion that her optimal Tidy Number is (2). She loves living with more people. She is just incapable of providing them with an orderly environment.

This post is now way over (100) words past optimal. Time to end. But first, Fantasy Football ala Prude needs (11) more players. Any takers?

5 comments:

Suef said...

Plato, fantasy football, math and entertainly delightful...how do you do it?!

Susan said...

"The Prude's optimal number of children is three, because that is how many God gave her." Very well put! When your college boy comes back home for the summer,with all his "junk", you may find the mess is even worse. Last summer, we never really absorbed all Joe's stuff. Much of it just lay around until it was time to pack it up again in the fall.

Lori Lipsky said...

This post had me laughing pretty good: "Optimal number of fingers on inhabitants of Bedrock?" Funny!

I love this more somber line too: "little blessings to line the loneliness of an empty nest."

Great post, Prude!

Robin J. Steinweg said...

The Prude writes optimally humorous posts! Well done!

Joanie said...

I am optimally laughing!