Monday, January 2, 2012

Hair to the Chief


Quick! If we double up Rick Perry and Mitt Romney today, we can squeeze Rick Santorum in tomorrow and that way we’ll have hit all the major candidates in the Iowa Caucus by the time the polls close Tuesday!
Rick and Mitt are an easy match. They have so much in common that you may start to mutter ‘conspiracy’ under your breath. Essentially they are the same side of two coins.
Consider:
-the ancestry of both harkens back almost exclusively to jolly old England
-both had fathers in politics
-both started academic life as so-so students
-Romney was on the pep squad, Perry was a ‘yell leader’ (aka cheerleader)
-both enjoyed playing pranks
-Perry has a wife named Anita, Romney’s is Ann
-both have written 2 books. One book has extolled an organization (Perry’s the Boy Scouts, Romney’s the Olympics) and one extolls America.
Is this not enough to give you pause? To make you reflect on chance, coincidence, or the possibility of a presidential breeding machine?
But wait! There is more!
Both have copious amounts of hair follicles filled to the absolute brim with springy flowing locks.
Their busy follicles take up residence a scant few inches up their foreheads and continue up and over the crown of each presidentially hopeful head, down past the cerebellum, and around the sides, stopping a tidy few millimeters above the ears.
It is the hair that has the Prude in a contemplative mood. 
Is an abundance of hair a desirable trait in a candidate for public office? Do we trust Men with Hair? 
The Prude went back to her Chart of the Presidents and the last time we had one whose forehead had access unimpeded by overstocked hair follicles to his afthead
was President Eisenhower. 
Who was a more trustworthy gentleman that Ike? Who looked more gentle and grandfatherly? 
What The Prude is asking is this: Where are our balding candidates?
She doesn’t want to bias you against Mr. Romney or Mr. Perry simply because they have hair in abundance. 
But she does hope to someday see an abundance of candidates with a full head of glowing epidermis.

3 comments:

dljatj said...

I love your analysis (a.k.a. humor). I just read all of you presidential posts and wish that you would be on a talk show analyzing the candidates. Your facts are so much fun to read and I think people would rofl hearing such commentary on radio or TV :-).

Robin J. Steinweg said...

As my mom (Martha Nelson) wrote in a parody of an old song,

"That empty space is just more face, so we really don't care
if they have any hair..."

Valid question you've raised, Prude. Perhaps honesty about loss of hair indicates honesty about less obvious things!

Lori Lipsky said...

I like Robin's mom's lyrics! So clever.

This business of politics gets more more upsetting as the meanness and criticism escalates. Makes me want to hide away and ignore it, but of course, that's no good either.