Monday, January 23, 2012

Everything but the Cluck


A photo circulating on YouTube shows what appears to be a mound of freshly squeezed pink frozen yogurt.
But then comes the zinger. It isn’t even close to frozen yogurt.
It is ‘mechanically separated chicken’.
According to You Tube, that means chicken bones, chicken feet, chicken guts, and chicken eyeballs are ground together, whipped with a smidge of ammonia, a dash of artificial flavor, and topped off with mock coloring.
Which then becomes Chicken McNuggets.
True?
Your vigilant Prude hoped so.
She investigated. 
Alas. 
Not actually completely true. 
Yes, mechanically separated chicken has muscle fiber and tendons. No, it doesn’t have eyeballs.  Yes, lots of artificial stuff. No guts. No ammonia. And no, McDonald’s doesn’t use it anyway.
The Prude had been so certain that the pink squishy stuff photo proved that McDonald’s is the 21st century version of the Plucky Pioneer.
You remember the pioneers.
They were the ‘waste not want not’ folks who made America great.
The folks who, when they butchered a hog, went on to use everything but the oink.
THAT is what The Prude thought McDonald’s was doing.
Using everything but the cluck. She was momentarily impressed.
Turns out McDonald’s is not indued with the thriftiness of our forefathers. 
The Golden Arches does consign entire portions of chicken to the netherworld and they will never see the inside of McNugget breading.
Therefore The Prude will not be able to award them her first ever
‘Everything but the Cluck’ award for frugality.
But the search goes on. 
I don’t suppose any of you know which hardy pioneer type was responsible for that pink-yogurtlike chicken? 

3 comments:

Suef said...

Did you really just come up with "everything but the oink"?!?! I love that line!

Lori Lipsky said...

I am eager to see who wins your 'Everything but the Cluck' prize, but, I must say, I hope to avoid seeing the Youtube 'mound of pink' to which you refer.

Robin J. Steinweg said...

The oink, the whole oink, and nothing but the oink--that's as much pig as I can take. You clever Prude!

As for a cluck, here's a riddle: a cluck it lacks--it quacks. It is specially fond of a puddle or pond. When it dines or sups, it's bottoms-ups! ;)