If the Prude were a good little English girl, or a good little Occupier,
she would have known that Saturday, Nov. 5 was Guy Fawkes Day.
In 1605, Guy Fawkes and his 12 co-conspirators planned to blow up the government in general and King James in particular. Guy was caught trying futilely to ignite barrels of old gunpowder he’d hidden in the basement of Parliament.
Every Nov. 5 since, bonfires are lit all over England, Guy Fawkes is burnt in effigy, fireworks are set, money is begged and candy called Treacle Toffee To Stick Jaws Shut is made.
Word on Wall Street is that some want to bring Guy Fawkes to this side of the Atlantic.
The Prude Disapproves.
First, do we really want to honor a man foolish enough to try such a daring plot with THIRTEEN conspirators? The Prude isn’t superstitious, but Guy should have been.
Second, she is uncomfortable burning an effigy of a man who looks like a cross between a Pilgrim Father and a Three Muskateer.
Third, she would have to sedate her little dog. Deer hunting November with its shotgun blasts is bad enough, but the Guy Fawkes fireworks would send little dog in a desperate search for a portal to a parallel universe.
Fourth, The Prude is 0-for10 in planning a bonfire this year. She doesn't particularly want to go to all the work of trying again and having it doused with rain.
Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder treason and plot.
We see no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!
Guy Fawkes, guy, t'was his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.
By god's mercy he was catch'd
With a darkened lantern and burning match.
So, holler boys, holler boys, Let the bells ring.
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the king.
And what shall we do with him?