The first lesson in The Prude’s 9th grade German textbook began:
Wo ist Monica? (Where is Monica?)
Im boot. (In the boat)
These wimpy words gave no hint of the delightful, multi-syllabic, compound upon compound words that make up the German language.
das Schweinefleisch (pig flesh. pork)
der Verbesserungsvorschlag" (suggestion for improvement)
lebensgefährlich" (life-threatening; mortally dangerous)
der Frauenversteher = a man who understands women
"die Geschirrspülmaschine" (dishwasher)
"der Windschutzscheibenwischer" (windshield wiper).
You get the idea.
Teen Prude visited Germany with her high school German class. She and a group of friends were given permission to wander an old city for an afternoon. Inevitably, they found themselves in need of a restroom.
But their German, while able to locate Monica, didn’t extend to asking for this vital necessity.
“Not a problem,” the girls all said.
“We’ll just put the words ‘public’ and ‘rest’ and ‘room’ together and we’re sure to get directions.”
They tapped a kindly, elderly woman on the shoulder.
“Entshuldigen sie (excuse me). Wo ist die Affentlichkantentspannenzimmer?”
The kindly old woman clutched her shopping bag, whimpered in terror, and sprinted across the street.
“That must not be it,” the girls said brightly. “Let’s try ‘hidden place of the toilet.’”
This time they approached a young, kindly woman.
"Entshuldigen. Wo ist der Verstecktplatztoilette?”
The kindly young woman scowled, muttered "Americans. Ich spucken. (I spit)”
And proceeded to do so.
The need was quickly becoming urgent. They spotted a kindly, Burgermeister-looking fellow.
“Let’s ask for a ‘bathroom place with a pot," they panted.
“Hey. Wo ist Badzimmerplatzmittopf?” they asked, desperately hopping up and down.
The kindly Burgermeister type nodded knowingly, waggled his finger and beckoned them to follow.
At this opportune moment the German chaperone found the wretched girls and led them back to the hotel restrooms, grateful the Burgermeister-type didn’t take them to Turkish baths where swimsuits were forbidden and funny-smelling cigarettes required.
The Prude has been mulling a new location for Monica. How about: Wasserfloserundwellemachermitmotormaschine?
(water floater and wave maker with motor machine)