Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Sir, please throw your crown in the ring

Having trouble deciding which candidate to back for the presidency?

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce the
Ideal Leader for our Nation!

He is a white Anglo Saxon.
(we lost a few diversity people there. Oh dear)
He is a religious man.
(What religion, you asked? Is he INTOLERANT? Wait, don’t leave before I explain...)
He has demonstrated genius on the battlefield.
(Would somebody PLEASE stop those pacifists at the door? I don’t care if they are kicking you!)
He’s a proponent of public education…
(Hold on, homeschoolers and private education buffs! Hear me out!)
He believes in a strong system of self-defense!
(I see the pacifists have successfully fought their way out the door but at least the concealed-carry folks are listening)
He is a great supporter of local commerce and government!
(If that doesn’t get the ‘buy locally’ group and states’ rights  defenders attention, nothing will)
He gives away land for free! What is not to like?
(What was that? I can’t hear, the Real Estate Association is drowning me out)
You want to know if he has been thoroughly vetted? Are there any skeletons in his closet?
No! The guy is clean. Although he is a lousy cook. And rumor has it his physical ailment requires copious amounts of Preparation H.

His name?
Alfred the Great! Ruler of England from 871 to 899!
What seems to be the problem?
Oh blast.
I never thought of that.
You’re right. He doesn’t have an American birth certificate.


Lori Lipsky said...

This sent me right to researching as I don't recall much of Alfred the Great.

I'm always learning via your blog, Prude.

ScheltyDebate said...

May I recommend the book "The Edge on the Sword" about the teenaged daughter of King Alfred?

From Publishers Weekly
Medieval history buffs will be enthralled byTingle's first novel. The author sets her tale in the late 800s and imagines the formative years of an actual historic figure, the West Saxon King Alfred's oldest child (a daughter), ’thelfl‘d. Heavily saturated with political and military strategy, it will likely hold boys' attention as well as girls. Fifteen-year-old Fl‘d's life becomes endangered when she is betrothed to Ethelred, chief aldorman of Mercia,because enemies opposed to the union start plotting against both royal families. Fl‘d escapes one kidnapping, but later, on her way to Mercia to wed Ethelred, a pack of raiders attack her party. Fl‘d must employ all she's learned about battle from books, her father and her faithful guard, Red. In this meticulously researched novel, which alludes to the poem Beowulf and the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, Tingle brings to life the mindset and emotions of her heroine, whose loyalty tinged with a rebellious streak is convincing enough to lay the groundwork for her destiny as "the greatest woman in Old English military history" (according to the closing historical note). If Fl‘d's wisdom and bravery seem larger than life, her regret over leaving her homeland and ambivalence about marriage make her all too human. Ages 12-up.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

The Prude said...

Sandy! Thank you! I really love and respect King Alfred- he is one of my favorite historical figures. This book sounds fascinating.