Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Put away your hanky.

Somewhere in a Hollywood ergonomically designed eco-friendly boardroom sits a group of carefully chosen representatives from every race, creed, color and dietary preference.
Their duty?
To ensure that each minority group, however small, is represented on some television show or movie.
Tough beautiful female cops, quirky mild male private detectives, psychotic CEO’s?
Forensic specialists/health care professionals with accents/limps/mother issues/eating disorders?
Children being raised by single parents, by 2 dads, by 2 moms, by one dad and several moms, by barnyard animals and with double digit numbers of siblings?
They agonize.
Has any subgroup been overlooked?
One relatively young, naïve board member timidly raises her hand.
She says she logged multiple hours noting which minority groups are represented and there is a glaring omission.
Impossible! She is told. We have everything covered!
(while they scramble to check if gypsy aliens who enter their toddlers in beauty pageants have a show)
Ms. Naïve stubbornly–if foolishly–sticks to her assertion.
There are no unmarried couples who wait till they are married before engaging in hanky panky.
The room is abuzz. There must be someone since The Partridge Family…
It seems she may be right. Unmarried couples who hanky and/or panky before the trip down the aisle are everywhere.
Belligerence sets in.
Hanky panky is everywhere! It is an accepted cultural norm! It is inconceivable that there could be any couples in the universe who aren’t hanky pankiers! This minority group can’t exist. It is a figment of the naïve board member’s imagination.
Nevertheless, anxiety ensues.
What if some odd, disparate non hankiers join with some quirky non pankiers and demand representation?
It could happen. 
But no one has a clue how to build a show around such a bizarre, socially deviant group.
It does, however, give them an idea for a new program:
Interventions for those who don’t hanky panky and giving them a fresh new start on a dance competition.


Robin J. Steinweg said...

Prude, you may have opened a whole Pandora's chest-full of NON-hanky and pankiers. One writing at this moment, who knows many. Surely not all are in the pantry?

Bizarre, socially deviant--stand up and be counted, non-hanky-pankiers! Be bold! Be proud! Be normal!

Joanie said...

So true! We honor every deviant instead of the righteous. A disgrace to our nation.