Monday, September 20, 2010

Upper GI's

Prudes have been accused of inducing, afflicting and encouraging feelings of guilt in others. ‘Others’ being spouses, siblings, offspring to the 3rd and 4th generation, co-workers, fellow students, fellow church members, politicians, litterers and loiterers.
Of course this is by no means an exhaustive list. A primary Prude duty is to elicit guilt in those who surround us. We proudly refer to ourselves as ‘Unified Prudes Propagating and
Encouraging the Regulation of Guilt Inducement (Upper GI’s).

But please PLEASE don’t for a moment think that Prudes themselves do not experience guilt!  This is a fallacy that needs to be eradicated. Naturally we feel guilt when we have not encouraged enough guilt in others. We know that without guilt there can be no inner turmoil (please don’t try to substitute spicy beef and bean nachos to produce inner turmoil. Prudes are onto that trick)
Inner turmoil leads to self doubt, which leads one to long for inner peace and confidence, which leads that same person by the scruff of the neck to seek ANSWERS, which drags him/her to SOMEONE who knows the all the answers which of course drops them right back at the feet of The Prude who sent them on the journey to begin with. Which is right where we want them.

As you can see from the convolutions of the above paragraph, inner peace is suspect.
When a Prude experiences inner peace, she know something is amiss. There is much too much in the world that requires worry, and if she isn’t worried she just hasn’t dug deeply enough.

So when this Prude-your Prude- woke on a rainy Monday with a feeling of well-being, she immediately began to worry (this is the self-correcting mechanism of Prudes everywhere. It ensures that we are ever vigilant in our search for Things That Need Correction).

She searched her soul and didn’t have to look very far before she located a prodigious pile of unsorted guilt. And digging into that pile (after donning plastic gloves) she discovered the ‘Guilt Over Feeling Happy On Monday’ damp rag. Note- your Prude will develop this analogy of guilt feelings as a pile of laundry more fully in some future post.
Because she is liking it.

Yes, Your Prude is feeling guilty today. Monday. All around her are loved ones packing cold lunches and heading off to work or school, or to the dining room table homeschool, or back to the farm to figure out why the dad-blasted cows keep escaping.
Very few of these loved ones delight in Monday.

But The Prude loves Mondays. She empathizes with the student, the laborer, the teacher. She has Been There, Done That. (except the cow chasing) But she has paid those dues. She now sits luxuriating in front of her computer with a hot mug of coffee, browsing through her worry list to figure out what to tackle first.

But be assured. She feels guilty doing it.

1 comment:

Tammy said...

Enjoy... enjoy! You've earned it! That's how I feel over the summer when the weekend is over. But today... ugh, today I have merely dragged myself out of bed and am trudging through the beginning of the day... which will creep into afternoon if I am not careful.

Anyway, maybe someday I can introduce Upper GI to Ignorant Bliss. :)