Except for the one where I clear up the confusing lead–out from yesterday’s post. Coffee Day is not something I made up. Sept. 29 really is National, or possibly World, Coffee Day. I saw it on a major news network. To The Prude’s mind, Coffee Day is severely undercelebrated and she is working on a line of greeting cards and a merry little song that will commemorate the day and the reason we drink to it.
Now, without further ado, the Disapproval of the Day.
The Prude is beginning to hate, with a consuming hatred, the term ‘Empty Nest’.
Today we’ll use a photo that will be an analogy to the life of a mother on the cusp of an empty nest.
Take a moment to look at the photo. Front and center we have the Mama Bird. (‘Mama Bird’ will be The Prude’s name for the duration of this post, continuing the Animal Kingdom theme of the week begun with the Country Mice)
Look closely at Mama Bird. Notice her bedraggled look. (While this is actually from The Prude’s puppy teething on Beanie Baby ‘Early’, and thus rendering it useless for resale value, the teeth marks play right into my hands.) This slightly battered and bedraggled look is worn by Mama Birds everywhere. It is the result of sleepless nights, anxiety,heartaches, too-much-to-do-in-too-little-time, and accidentally brushing one’s teeth with diaper cream instead of toothpaste.
See how Mama Bird’s wings droop? This is not due to discouragement. She slept on her side funny last night and now her shoulders hurt. The jaunty tilt to her tail shows that she is still an optimist.
The egg in the foreground represents Papa Bird. (after The Prude took this photo she realized that representing Papa as an egg could lead to awkward surmises that Mama Bird was a cradle robber. The Prude just didn’t have another robin beanie baby and thought using Chocolate the Moose would raise all sorts of difficult questions)
To continue. Papa Bird is in the foreground, heading off to work. He does this every day so Mama Bird can sit home and brood. And peck away at her computer.
The 2 sets of eggs on either side of the nest represent the Son Birds who have already flown the nest to make nests of their own with their wives, represented by the cute eggs at their sides. (At the point The Prude realizes she should have had them each in cozy nests of their own. She is not conscientious enough to go back and do over)
The little egg right on the edge of the nest is Baby Bird, almost ready to flap his wings and leave the nest. (The Prude is now getting panicky. She realizes EGGS are a very poor representation of fully-grown children. Eggs don’t have wings, for pity’s sake. She probably should scratch this whole analogous thing and come up with something else. But she is not ambitious enough)
So that leaves Mama Bird, bearing the battle scars of 23 years of Mamahood, looking into an almost empty nest. A nest still strewn with the remnants of 3 baby birds playing and fighting and growing and loving.
Mama Bird is hating the empty nest that looms before her. She loves those baby birds.
But wait! Look at the gleam in Mama’s eye! And look at the plate of molasses sugar cookies placed strategically in the picture. Mama is not above bribing those baby birds for a visit with freshly baked cookies. Come back often, Baby Birds!
Mama Bird disapproves of the term ‘Empty Nest’.
She is thinking of replacing it with ‘Full Tree’