Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Early this summer, a mommy and daddy mosquito and their 2.3 million babies went looking for a nice place to live. They spotted The Prude’s garden and it looked like the right place to raise a family. But on their initial buzz-through they couldn’t help noticing that The Prude squashed a good 950 of their precious little ones who were frolicking, as children are wont to do, on her arms. legs, lips and ears. So they filed a restraining order against her, effectively keeping her at least 20 feet away from the garden and the growing family.
Until this past weekend. A mighty wind came along and blew them due east (my apologies to Schenectady). The Prude could finally don her gardening gloves, take up hoe and snippers and set out to pull weeds and pick produce.
AT THIS POINT YOU SHOULD BE NOTICING THE PHOTOS TAKEN BY THE PRUDE.
These photos show the size of the Weed pile, and the size of the produce pile.
(If you look closely at the Weed pile you may notice some flowers and bean stems mixed in. They obviously gave up the fight and went to the winning side.)
If you are observant, and I think you are, you will notice they Weed pile’s total domination over the produce pile in mass, profusion, and density. The truly alert reader will also notice ‘Weed’ at this point has attained capital letter status.
You may be expecting at this point to read of Weed Disapproval. Aber, nein! (‘But no!’ for those of you who didn’t take 3 years of high school German, or watch ‘Hogan’s Heroes’) The Prude recognizes superior beings when she picks them, and obviously Weeds are superior in almost every way to the measly garden vegetable.
Garden produce is the green thumbs down for the day.
Let’s do a little compare and contrast:
We don’t have to buy weeds,
BUT we pay for those fancy little seed packs with pictures of impossibly lush vegetables on the front.
We don’t have to plant weeds,
BUT we are supposed to sow those little vegetable seeds 1/8” deep and thin them to 12” spacing when they are 6” high. This leads one to believe only mathematicians can garden.
We don’t need to fertilize weeds,
BUT vegetables require correct ph levels in the soil, organic or chemical compounds and/or unpleasant piles of compost.
Weeds have a strong ego and sense of self, and flourish in the most adverse conditions,
BUT garden produce constantly needs its self-esteem staked, its self confidence watered and its self image Miracle-Gro’d.
Weeds. With a capital Dubya. Why do we fight them? Come with me, embrace the Weed. Let the doughty Midwestern farmer, with his manure spreader, cultivator, tractor and combine harvester provide you with produce. Join The Prude. Let us google ‘weed recipes’ together.