One of my missions as a Prude is to demonstrate the richness and depth of prudism.
Prudishness embraces so much more than prissiness, (although we are working to make ‘prissy’ a word on par with ‘mod’ from the ’60’s, ‘rad’ from the ’70’s and that ’80‘s classic, ‘bombdiggity’).
True prudes adhere to a strict code of conduct.
There are rules to cover clothing and what clothing should cover.
Rules tell a Prude what euphemisms to use for which bodily part/function
and rules that remind us when to use ‘your’ or ‘you’re’ and ‘to’ or ‘too’.
We even have laundry rules.
It is perfectly acceptable to be a prude and use a clothes dryer on breezy, sunny days, although a Prude cast in the classic mold will only resort to the machine during rain, snow, or mosquito seasons.
Prudes are allowed to choose between scented, unscented or no fabric softener, cloth or plastic clothesline.
And while some purist Prudes insist on wooden clothespins, plastic ones meet general Prude Laundry Criteria.
Debate rages in Prude circles about propriety of hanging unmentionables outdoors and whether to fold clothes immediately upon removing from the line or wait until inside. But these are strictly in-house disputes.
One laundry mandate Prudes everywhere agree should be adhered to with rigid and uncompromising conformity:
CLOTHING MUST NOT BE LEFT ON THE LINE OVERNIGHT.
I know this rule. I can recite it in my sleep. I know that, like all Prude Rules, it Has Its Reasons. Neighbors will assume laziness. And nasty things can nest in clothing left on the line overnight.
But, I am not a perfect Prude. Several times over the decades the moon has shone down on my laundry.
I can’t change the past, I can only try to do better.
Prude perfection still eludes me.
But I promise to try and live out my prudishness to the best of my ability.
Help me please.
Keep an eye on my laundry line.