Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Approval Post

Here it is.  The post in which The Prude whole-heartedly endorses something in the noun kingdom.  If The Prude had any sense of rhythm, and if her hands were able to coordinate with each other in rapid succession, she would be tapping out a drum roll on the desk right now.  Please, if your gross and fine motor skills, coupled with your inner rat-a-tat-tat voice, enable you to drum roll, do so at this time.


The excessive use of exclamation points verifies The Prude’s love of Political Advertisements (since I also approve of anything that requires me to type less, the above will be shortened to:  POVERTS

I’ll first address the positive impact of POVERTS for the nation’s psyche as a whole, and then point out the practical application and how POVERTS impact The Prude’s life directly.
 (Roman numerals should alert you to the fact that The Prude means business)

I)  POVERTS show all that is right with the country. 

A)We are, in our heart of hearts, a tidy nation
 Look at the men and women who are campaigning for office.  Do they ever look scruffy?  When they roll up their shirt sleeves to show they are ready to dig into the mess left by whoever is currently in office, are those sleeves ever actually ROLLED?  NO!  They are folded up to the elbow 3 times before a tidy crease is ironed in.

B.) We are, in our heart of hearts, a brave, happy and polite nation
Again, look at the POVERTS carefully.  Look at the expressions on the faces of the plain, underprivileged working people who have been oppressed by whoever is currently in office.  They are sad, yes. They have lost their farm, their business, their home. (The Prude is struggling with singular/plural agreement here, but it is a struggle endorsed by Poetic License.) But those faces!  They smile hopefully at the tidy-sleeved man or woman who wants their vote.  They listen politely.  Tears glisten in their eyes, and the eyes of whoever wants their vote. And those tears are comprised of courage, good cheer, and courtesy.  (please note the use of synonyms. The Prude hates to be redundant)

C.) We are, in our heart of hearts, happy to let someone else pay for the advertising
As the POVERT wraps up, look carefully at the words on the bottom of the screen.  Does it say ‘Paid for by the tax dollars of hard working, oppressed Americans?’ NO!  It says,
‘Paid for by the committee to elect so and so to such and such’!  Americans can proudly proclaim, ‘I am NOT so and so, dadgumit!’ (forgive the harsh language)

D)  We are, in our heart of hearts, a nation of volunteers, not all of whom live in Tennessee.
Who works on these campaigns?  Who is out lining up those smiling, brave, hardworking Americans to be interviewed for the POVERT?  Who hands out campaign literature for the clean-shaven and/or well coiffed candidates?  The Prude has run out of space, so you will have to answer on your own, and return tomorrow for:

The Prude’s personal endorsement


Tammy said...

Bwahahaha! And the mud-slinging never actually dirties the clothes!

Can't wait for tomorrow.

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