Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Prude Primer

The Prude wants you to understand what a prude is.  Please don’t be misled by the dictionary definition.  Prudes are not just ‘easily shocked’ by (cover your children’s eyes here) sex or, um, lack of clothing.  No!  The world of prudishness is deeper, richer, broader, and MUCH more smothering than that! 

We are not easily shocked.  We know what the World is like and frankly, its unmitigated naughtiness does not surprise us.  But we also know what is best for the World.  Those frowns and pucker lines you see on the faces of prudes?  They don’t merely represent disapproval with the saucy behavior of the World. We are often given to vigorous thought as we frame our next scolding lecture to the World.

Please don’t believe that a true, mature and fully developed prude disapproves only of
(cover your husband’s eyes) sex and, uh, birthday suits.  No! We disapprove of the modern condition of music, dance, politics, housekeeping, entertainment, communication and parking lots.  And that is just the tip of the dingy iceberg! 

The Prude of 2010 is not your mother’s prude.  Her job is vastly more complicated and time consuming. My duty here is to introduce you to and educate you in the narrow way and kill-joy means of a True Prude.

I am that Prude.

Tomorrow: The Prude disapproves of the lyrics in the chorus of a Poison song, while
sincerely hoping her readers are not shocked that she knows a group called ‘Poison’.
Or maybe she does want you shocked… she will decide and lecture you about it later.


Danielle said...

I don't even know what Poison is but I'm anxious to read your thoughts on their song tomorrow! :)
Your writing style is so fun, Anita! I have enjoyed reading the past few days.

Sue said...

I am reading and laughing. Thanks!

Cindy said...

I'm envisioning a small, fun book of vignettes written by The Prude. I believe it would be highly successful. I'm dead serious.