Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Prude Addresses Youth

Below is a lecture delivered via email from The Prude to a tour group 2 years ago.  Yes, it is a repeat for some of you.  But in The Prude's mind, any good, stern lecture bears repeating.  And almost any lecture is a good lecture.
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PRUDE PATROL ON DUTY!

In our little group, where all the girls are lovely and all the boys are good-looking,
we will need to have a Prude Patrol that is above average.

The Prude Patrol has a simple job- make sure that every outfit our beautiful children wear
would be approved by a roomful of 80 year old church ladies.
From a conservative church.
In 1952.

Since these PP's are SO prudish, they will be carrying XXL t-shirts to help 'enhance' the
wardrobe of anyone in violation of the Prude Dress Code.

THE CODE
-tight shirts (male or female)
If a ladybug trying to move around under the shirt would find itself gasping for air, the shirt is too
tight.  If, on the other hand, the ladybug can move freely without anyone outside the shirt detecting its presence, the shirt is probably just right.

-low cut shirts. 
Please make sure it passes the 'bend-over and pick up a silver dollar' test without showing much epidermis
below the level of the collar bone.  The equatorial section of the body should remain unseen by human eye also.

-low cut pants (male and female) 
Again, make sure (from a different angle than the above test)
that it passes the 'bend over and pick up a silver dollar' test without showing nether region epidermis.
AND FOR OUR GOOD-LOOKING MALES: If your inseam can start to be measured from mid-thigh, thus making
it impossible to run for your life from a mad dog (or the Prude Patrol) your jeans are too baggy. 
We also prefer to not know what is the cut or manufacturer of your undergarments.

Our children are an unusually attractive group and need no enhancement from clothing that is even mildly alluring.
Please help ensure that the Prude Patrol has an uneventful tour and never needs to ask a child to change clothing
or put on the size XXL modesty shirt.
Let's just let our Prude Patrol put up their support-hosed legs, take out their knitting, and talk amongst themselves about
how children nowadays are SO much better behaved and nicely dressed than back in the day.

6 comments:

The Prude said...

Tomorrow- What (if anything) is a Prude? And How Can We Ensure Prude Survival?

Anonymous said...

Great article Anita, another good rule for girls (not that I ever raised any) is only to show one body part at a time. You want to show your legs than the cleavage and midriff have to be covered. If you want to wear a short top than the legs and cleavage have to be covered and so on.

Anonymous said...

Dear anonymous- that is a great rule! My one body part allowed to show started at my wrists and ended at my fingertips.
Love
Anita

A Circle of Quiet said...

Amen.

And Amen.

The blogosphere is so happy to welcome The Prude. So happy.

Warmly,
DI

The Prude said...

Why thank you Di! I feel welcome- if a little confused!

Anonymous said...

Howdy Ms. Prude.
Just thought I would share the dress code at my charming daughter's new job: no boobs, no butts, no bellys.
Sure wish that was the worldwide dress code.
Shauna