Unveiling of new Olympic Uniforms!!!!!

As promised, today is the day The Prude unveils her new uniforms for the women’s Olympic Gymnastic team, and in a burst of 2-for-1 goodwill she is tossing in one for the women’s track team.

You know how gravity is forever pulling teen boy’s britches south?

In a strange reversal of forces, it is forever pulling the bottoms of those poor, miniscule teen girl gymnasts’ uniforms NORTH.  This necessitates the constant tugging, yanking motion they have perfected over the years. Concern about these creeping uniforms has to detract the little gymnasts from their routines, so The Prude came up with a really adorable addition:

The Bike Short.

Think how cute and comfortable this would look under their uniform, not to mention the chafing it will relieve on the balance beam!

The shorts could have clever designs, and after the Olympics the girls could have all their new gymnast friends sign said shorts for a memento.

Any Olympic aficionado has probably noticed that the uniforms for the female track team are slowly disappearing. Budget cuts are merciless and The Prude would like us all to have bake sales to raise money for new ensembles.

Also notice how the current clothing forces the air goes straight up and over the runner? This causes something we call ‘wind resistance’ and it slows her down.

The Prude has designed a new uniform, borrowing from the latest technology used in sports cars. (Think about the speed of even the slowest sports car in relation to even the fastest runner and you’ll see how sensible this new uniform will be)

As you can see, using aerodynamics, the wind moves easily up and over the new uniform.

With just a few changes, The Prude believes that Team USA can have some of our best times and scores ever, and we won’t need to cover our children’s eyes.

Once The Prude can control her blushing she is going to tackle the men’s swim team uniforms and try to protect the women’s sand volleyball team from the sand mites that no doubt take advantage of THOSE budget-cut outfits.