They warned us These Days would come.
You know, back in Those Days.
Those days, when our metabolism was brisk and efficient.
These days it chucks ingested calories at our waistlines and upper arms and lounges back to watch Judge Judy.
Those days we could lie in the sun with little between us and UV rays but a layer of baby oil.
These days we wear floppy hats and sunscreen so thick it could mortar a pyramid.
Those days we could read the fine print off a Tiger Beat magazine from 20 paces to see who was in it.
These days we need reading glasses and rubber arms to hold a menu at 20 paces to see what is in it.
Those days we didn’t want to wake up; these days we can’t get to sleep.
Those days we tried to dry up pimples; these days we try to plump up wrinkles.
Those days we could jog a mile and look cute and glistening;
these days we sit motionless in a church pew and find ourselves sweating from areas we didn’t know had sweat glands.
I have a personal bone to pick with These Days.
Back in Those Days I loved fall.
Oh sure, the cool temps and the bright foliage and the hayrides and stuff were all dandy.
But what I really REALLY loved was eating apple donuts. Nothing, but nothing said autumn like apple donuts.
In those days.
These days my body has decided, just for fun, to develop a gluten sensitivity.
Hello dry rice bread, goodbye apple donuts.
Fall has lost its luster.
But These Days aren’t a total loss. Some folks from Those Days never had the privilege to live long enough to see these days. Some folks, like my children, my tiny pre-born grandchild, didn’t exist in those days. And these days, since my metabolism has rolled over and hit the snooze button, giving up apple donuts could prevent my waistline from achieving proportions I wouldn’t have believed possible in those days.