Wednesday, April 18, 2012

One Part Cora's Fondant


The English language may be difficult and convoluted and filled with seemingly endless contradictions and rules of grammar and enough homonyms/homophones to render spellcheck practically impotent.

But you have to love a language that gives us malapropisms and spoonerisms.

Malapropisms are named after a fictional character named Mrs. Malaprop in an 18th century play written by Richard Sheridan.
She tended to substitute one word in place of a similar sounding word:
‘He is the very pineapple of politeness.’ instead of pinnacle, or
‘She’s as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile’ instead of alligator.

A little friend was visiting me after the birth of my first baby. I asked her to grab me a towel from the linen closet. She came back and asked with a mix of concern and curiousity, ‘The liver closet?”
Lisa was practicing the fine art of malapropism.

Ever belt out the lyrics to a song only to discover, usually through choking laughter of a friend, that you got them wrong?
I sang along with ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ about a woman who could make a prose bush instead of a pro blush.

My version of America’s ‘Sister Golden Hair’ was about a guy who was ‘one part Cora’s pondant’ as opposed to a poor correspondent.  I actually tried to look up ‘pondant’ and, on not finding it, decided I had misheard. He must actually be one part Cora’s fondant.

For years I thought my husband needed Oriental strand board for jobs instead of the oriented strand board he really used.

Yogi Berra remarked during a presidential campaign that Texas had a lot of electrical votes.
And of course, “It ain’ t the heat, it’s the humility.”

My boys had a friend who loftily told them the argument they were making was based on a ‘mute point’.
Did you know that when the carburetor is out of your soda it tastes flat?

A dearly loved family  member always asked for the cheaptheats at the movie theater, assuming it was a smashed-up term for cheap theater seats.

Spoonerisms will have to wait till next week. I have to get to my book club– it’s rude not to be punctuate.


Susan said...

This was great. Fun, fun!

Susan said...

Does that candy lady have crazy eyes, or is it just me? Hahaha.

Suef said...

This was adorable. In our family Todd was the king of malapropsims. "The bird is savaging under the table for food."

The Prude said...

Oh Sue, I was hoping someone would share a malapropism!

Susan. I grew up looking at this girl. She scared me out of ever making fondant