Quirks of the Cosmos Thursday: Let Them Eat Gas

Once upon a time there was a kingdom. The subjects of the kingdom had places to go and people to see. Gasoline helped them do this.

But gas cost $2.89 a gallon and the pocketbooks of the subjects were being pinched.

They went to the gas station owner and said, “Gas is so expensive! Can you do anything about it?”

“Yes!” said the gas station owner, and raised the price to $3.09 a gallon.

Pocketbooks were getting thinner. The subjects started signing up for credit cards with gas rebates. But they knew in the long run that more credit cards are not a good thing.

So they went to the oil executives.

“Gas is so expensive! And we don’t want to buy everything on credit! Can you do anything?”

“Certainly,” responded the oil executives kindly, and raised the price of gas to

$3.79 a gallon.

This was just awful. People were getting panicky. They took fewer trips. They noticed that food was more expensive. They bought seeds to plant their own gardens. But by now the pocketbooks of the subjects were almost empty. 

“If the gas station owners and the oil executives won’t help,” they said, “maybe OPEC will do something.”

“Oh kind OPEC” the subjects said. “We love your gasoline but we just can’t afford it anymore! $3.79 a gallon is so expensive! Can you help?”

“You bet we can!” OPEC told them, and set the price at $4.09 a gallon.

The subjects didn’t know where to turn. Pocketbooks and change jars and savings accounts and college and retirement funds were as empty as the subjects’ gas tanks.

In desperation they went to the government.

“Oh mighty government!” they entreated humbly. “Our money is all gone. We have nothing left to buy new hybrid cars! Please, please help us!”

The government patted the kingdom on its head.

“I will help you.” the government told them, with tears brimming in its eyes.

“Go home and see what I have done.”

The subjects went home and lo and behold, gas was only $3.79 a gallon!

“Thank you, kind government, thank you! $3.79 a gallon is so cheap!”

The subjects sang and danced and everyone said that life and the government had never been so good.

THE END