Sing-along with The Prude

I wrote a song. Use the melody of that campfire echo song called ‘There Was a Bear’ or “I Met a Bear’ or something of that ilk. Someday, somewhere, I dream of walking past someone's bonfire and hearing my song sung in all its lusty glory.

There was a hole
A deep dark hole
Dug for a post
For a mailbox
There was a hole, a deep dark hole, dug for a post for a mailbox.

Its sides were straight,
and it was deep
as mentioned in
the previous verse
Its sides were straight and it was deep, as mentioned in the previous verse.

And in this hole,
There was a toad,
although you can’t
tell from this pic
And in this hole there was a toad, although you can’t tell from this pic.

There was a man
who dug the hole
and wanted to
insert the post
There was a man who dug the hole and wanted to insert the post.

He had a wife
who begged with tears
“Don’t smush the toad,
That would be cruel.”
He had a wife who begged with tears, “Don’t smush the toad, that would be cruel.”

The man gave in
To his wife’s tears
and lent the toad
a helping hand.
The man gave in to his wife’s tears, and lent the toad a helping hand.

The toad was dumb,
and would not jump
into the hand
offered in aid.
The toad was dumb and would not jump into the hand that offered aid.

The wife wouldn’t quit,
she ran to grab
the gadget called
Pooper Scooper
The wife wouldn’t quit, she ran to grab, the gadget called Pooper Scooper

The man unclenched
The Scooper’s jaws
And gathered up,
the nauseous toad
The man unclenched the Scooper’s jaws, and gathered up the nauseous toad.

The toad was free
but ungrateful
and hopped away
while muttering,
The toad was free but ungrateful, and hopped away while muttering:

“Next time I’m squat-
ting in a hole
And you believe
You want to help
Next time I’m squatting in a hole, and you believe you want to help...

“Just smush me rath-
er than attempt
to save me with
Pooper Scooper.
Just smush me rather than attempt, to save me with Pooper Scooper.”