Intellectuals One Wonders About

Intellectuals Somewhere in Iowa. Circa 2008

The excitement in Iowa is over for another 4 years.

The media and the candidates have left the state.

Iowa shuts the door behind them with gracious firmness.

It mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ‘finally’ and gets back into planning

the spring crops that will feed 10% of its fellow Americans.

How did this average-size state with a small population in the middle of the continental US choose as frontrunners a Mormon, an all-but-flatlined homeschooling dad and a maverick who paddles outside of every conceivable mainstream?

And how about giving the lone female candidate (who was born in Iowa, incidentally) so few votes that she dropped out of the race?

The Prude believes she has these anomalies nailed down. 

She feels qualified to make some sweeping generalizations based on her:

-extensive Iowa  internet research this morning

-9 months spent living in Iowa when she was in 1st grade.

First we need to dispel the notion that Iowans are a bunch of ‘Idiots Out Walking Around’. They have the highest literacy rate in the nation. They also have a law on the books that restricts kissing to 5 minutes or less.

You see the connection.

Lots of reading + minimal smooching= folks with time to research candidates

Next, understand that Iowa doesn’t have a whole slew of people, and the ones they have tend to be scattered and the ones that are scattered tend to be aging at a brisk pace. So when they have a chance every four years to come together and ‘caucus’

(talk in groups about who they want to support) instead of ‘primary’ (enter a tiny booth by oneself to place a private vote) they maximize the time to pick the candidate who best exemplifies IOWA.

Which begs the question– who exemplifies Iowa?

John Wayne, Buffalo Bill, Dear Abby and her twin, Billy Sunday, Johnny Carson, Frederick Maytag and George Gallup were all born in Iowa. Our caucus voters come from stock that is rough and tumble, plain-spoken, outside the prevailing religious views,

goofy, inventive and, when all is said and done, deciding the front-runner exactly as the pollsters predicted.

The Prude can’t wait to see what New Hampshire will do. After all, Mary Baker Eddy, Horace Greeley and Mandy Moore were all born there.